I Didn't Deserve It

For the past 5 years I have worked my ass off at work. I like to think that I am a great employee. I do have my days where I don't want to do anything and may only give 75%, but I still do my work. I have never looked for rewards for doing my job. My reward comes when I get to talk to my favorite patients about their kids, grand kids, pets, vacations, jobs, etc.

But when I was just recently awarded "District Team Member of the Month," I was proud of myself. I felt good. Wow, all my hard work has been noticed by the people above me. Then just like that, every happy and proud feeling was taken away by just a few words from someone that you thought appreciated you. "You didn't deserve it." That hurt. It's not even about the gift card that I was supposed to get, but I'm not getting. It's about those 4 words. We need to start being conscious of the words we say to people. Even I am guilty of saying hurtful things. You never know how what you say to someone can affect them. You don't tell one of your best employees that they didn't deserve to be recognized. When I heard that, I immediately put up a wall and tuned out the rest of the conversation. That sentence has been playing in my head since this morning. I shut down. My first thought was, "That's it. Don't ask me to do another thing. I'm going to come to work, do what I need to do and go home. I'm no longer going above and beyond." Then my crazy side kicked in (everybody has one) and I said to myself, "Karma is a bitch."

I think today was the answer to my prayer. "God take away my fear of stepping out on faith." I've just been looking for something to give me that push and anger me enough to want to change. God is also answering my other prayer: Move me out of my way. Being told, "You didn't deserve it," is just what I needed to hear to light fire to my butt and get me moving. Carol is pushing Carol aside and moves are about to be made. I can no longer continue doing what makes others happy. I must now take care self first and everyone else second. (I can't just take care of self and say eff everybody else. I love other people too much to just leave them blowing in the wind. I have a very strong nurturing side that I can't let go of and never will.)

Although those 4 words did hurt, I'm not going to let them take me down. From here on out I'm going to tell myself, "YOU DESERVE IT!" Self-motivation is the best motivation. 

Live.Love.Laugh.Sing.Dance.