Donating My Hair: The Decision

For many years I wanted to donate my hair to Locks of Love, but I never did. Early 2010 I decided to cut my hair off like I had been doing every year. The only difference is that this time, I set a goal for myself. Grow hair out until it is long enough to donate to an organization that makes wigs for people that have lost their hair due to medical conditions.

Over the last couple of weeks, the urge to cut my hair has been growing stronger and stronger. Last week I googled "hair donations." Of course Locks of Love, being the most popular was listed in the search results. They have always been my chosen organization to help me accomplish my goal. But after doing some research, I have now decided to not use them. The main reason is that they charge the children that receive the wigs a fee based off their parents' income and I think the wigs should be free (more on that another time). I continued to research. I finally came across "Beautiful Lengths," a program created by Pantene that works together with the American Cancer Society to donate real hair wigs to woman.

After dreaming about cutting my hair all last night, this morning I went back to the Pantene website to read about Beautiful Lengths again. This time I saw on their blog that they, along with Seventeen magazine, announced yesterday that April 27th will be National Donate Your Hair Day. On that day, I will pledge to make a difference in someone's life by donating the 8+ inches of hair that I have been growing since April 2010. I encourage anyone that wants to do the same, to read up on the Beautiful Lengths program and join me at the hair salon on April 27th.



Live.Love.Laugh.Sing.Dance.

I Didn't Deserve It

For the past 5 years I have worked my ass off at work. I like to think that I am a great employee. I do have my days where I don't want to do anything and may only give 75%, but I still do my work. I have never looked for rewards for doing my job. My reward comes when I get to talk to my favorite patients about their kids, grand kids, pets, vacations, jobs, etc.

But when I was just recently awarded "District Team Member of the Month," I was proud of myself. I felt good. Wow, all my hard work has been noticed by the people above me. Then just like that, every happy and proud feeling was taken away by just a few words from someone that you thought appreciated you. "You didn't deserve it." That hurt. It's not even about the gift card that I was supposed to get, but I'm not getting. It's about those 4 words. We need to start being conscious of the words we say to people. Even I am guilty of saying hurtful things. You never know how what you say to someone can affect them. You don't tell one of your best employees that they didn't deserve to be recognized. When I heard that, I immediately put up a wall and tuned out the rest of the conversation. That sentence has been playing in my head since this morning. I shut down. My first thought was, "That's it. Don't ask me to do another thing. I'm going to come to work, do what I need to do and go home. I'm no longer going above and beyond." Then my crazy side kicked in (everybody has one) and I said to myself, "Karma is a bitch."

I think today was the answer to my prayer. "God take away my fear of stepping out on faith." I've just been looking for something to give me that push and anger me enough to want to change. God is also answering my other prayer: Move me out of my way. Being told, "You didn't deserve it," is just what I needed to hear to light fire to my butt and get me moving. Carol is pushing Carol aside and moves are about to be made. I can no longer continue doing what makes others happy. I must now take care self first and everyone else second. (I can't just take care of self and say eff everybody else. I love other people too much to just leave them blowing in the wind. I have a very strong nurturing side that I can't let go of and never will.)

Although those 4 words did hurt, I'm not going to let them take me down. From here on out I'm going to tell myself, "YOU DESERVE IT!" Self-motivation is the best motivation. 

Live.Love.Laugh.Sing.Dance.

Away

I'm doing everything inside of me to resist the urge to pack up & move away. I want to go to a place where I know almost no one there. Somewhere new. A place away from familiarity. To challenge myself . To get to know myself. A new life adventure in a city that I can grow to love. But to make this happen, I must first believe that it can be done. I must believe in Carol.

Live.Love.Laugh.Sing.Dance.

Hours After, Still Awake: Pep Talk

Christmas has been over for 1 hr 33mins (will be longer by the time I finish). Praise the Lord. Glad that is behind me. Unfortunately, I'm laying in bed wide awake watching Sportscenter (I'm single to all you available guys lol). Guess I'll type some words. I would write in my new journal appropriately titled "thoughts," but it's downstairs by the Christmas tree.

Anywho, let me get to the point so I can go to sleep. I'm always coming up with elaborate plans in my head but I either don't follow thru with them, or I only partially complete them. That has to end. This week, I'll be outlining a few goals for myself. It's time for me to pick up & get things rolling in the right direction. Gotta get some accountability partners in my corner to keep me pushing towards what I want. Time to get myself in check and I'm not waiting until the new year. It started a few days ago. Why wait until a new year when God gives us a new day every 24hrs? 

Time to focus on Carol. A good friend told me last year, "the older you get, the more selfish you have to be." That doesn't mean ignore everyone. But it does mean do what you need to do to live a happy life even if you have to cut off certain people and things that are going to hinder you from becoming who you need to be. 

Talk to God, but most importantly, listen to what he has to say. He'll always be in my corner while I go through the challenges of accomplishing the goals I set for myself. This can be done & I'm going to push myself until these few goals are completed. If I don't show determination, then how can I expect others to believe in me. In the words of a great, world renowned scientist, Sherman Klump (lol), "Yes I Can! Yes.I.Can."  

Live.Love.Laugh.Sing.Dance.

FRUSTRATED...

Because I care too much

Because others don't care

Because people don't follow simple request

Because people are selfish

Because I'm not selfish

Because someone is gonna tell me this is life
Because this is life

Because I'm taken advantage of

Because I pick up others' slack

Because I'm responsible

Because I'm reliable

Because I'm a good worker
Because I'm tired
Because I can't help but help
Because I feel guilty
Because I don't like saying no
Because I'm tired
Because this is not me
Because I want new
Because I'm impatient (at times)
Because I want reasonable consistency
Because, Because, BECAUSE!!!

Live.Love.Laugh.Sing.Dance.

Off My Chest

Yes I laugh at the all jokes about my nonexistent love life, but at times it's to keep from crying. I'm sure by now y'all think I live a sad lonely life cuz that's all I blog about lately. Well to some extent that's true. Let me just be open. I'm 25 years old, never had a real boyfriend, never been in love (well I thought I was). Of course the normal responses are gonna be, "Carol that's ok" "There's someone out there for you" "Take your time." Blah, blah, blah. And a few quotes about God. Guess what? I don't wanna hear that :) I honestly don't wanna hear anything. I just want you to read this, nod your head, and pray. Don't say anything to me because I don't wanna to listen to you. Talk to God & tell Him to talk to me.


Sometimes you gotta take a few deep breaths and continue on with life. These words are my deep breaths. I'm not gonna let my issues change the person I am. They may be tough, but I'm tougher. No matter what, I'm going to always smile and be me. I may be 5' physically, but in my mind I'm 6'7" and can handle anything thrown my way.

Now that I got that off my chest, maybe I can get a good night's sleep and be well prepared to face another day of life's excitements. Goodnight :)

Live.Love.Laugh.Sing.Dance.

Friday Nights

Over the past maybe 2-3 months, Friday nights have become the loneliest times of my life. I sit on the couch watching Say Yes to the Dress and Fours Weddings while shedding a few happy & sympathy tears.

Tonight was probably the worst.
Alone with my thoughts
Wishing I had someone here
To give me a hug
To give reassurance
Hiding behind a smile
Numb to love all while
Wanting to be loved
Just having a moment
Emotionally drained
Wishing
Dreaming
Praying
Knowing it will get better

Please don't worry about me. No sympathy needed. I will be fine. I just have to be real with myself right now. Everybody goes through moments like these and mine just happens to be now.

Live.Love.Laugh.Sing.Dance.